Brad Pitt opened up for the first time about his divorce from Angelina Jolie, admitting to heavy drinking, pot smoking and detaching himself emotionally from others.

In an interview with GQ Style, the 53-year-old actor revealed he quit drinking and was undergoing therapy, noting, “I can’t remember a day since I got out of college when I wasn’t boozing or had a spliff, or something …” Pitt added, “I’m really, really happy to be done with all of that. I mean, I stopped everything except boozing when I started my family. But even this last year, you know – things I wasn’t dealing with. I was boozing too much.”

Pitt and Jolie married in 2014 and have six children. During a bitter child custody dispute, Pitt was investigated for possible child abuse after he lost his temper in front of some of the children while allegedly drunk. No charges were filed, and in January 2017, the couple agreed to abandon the path of “vitriolic hatred” and work together to sort out their issues.

He continued, “It’s hit me smack in the face with our divorce: I gotta be more. I gotta be more for them. I have to show them. And I haven’t been great at it.”

These days, Pitt finds solace in replacing alcohol with cranberry juice and fizzy water, and working with his hands. “I’m making everything. I’m working with clay, plaster, rebar, wood.”

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